Everyone dreams of fame and fortune, but we musn’t forget that it all comes with a price. For every deep, round spotlight that strikes your skin, there lives millions of eyes watching—waiting for you to fall. America loves a good tragedy.
The brighter the spotlight, the more people talk. Because of this, there are several misconceptions about me. For example: Because I am not smiling, I am unhappy. Because I wear makeup, I want to be a woman and get a sex change. Or my favorite, I am always in fashion for attention. Most people believe that in front of the quick flash of the camera, I am wearing a mask. Anybody who knows me personally can testify that I am this person every day. The mask does not come off. However, in the beginning, I thought they might be right. When the lens focused in on me, I would often ask myself, “Should I be him?”. Then, there came a point where I quit asking myself that.
The spotlight follows me everywhere; even home I know it does. And when you’re constantly in the public eye, people begin to think you’re not human. They imagine us to be a robot, or a caricature of a human being. To me, there is nothing wrong with being a robot except for the fact that nobody wants to fall in love with it. People can judge and formulate opinions on me all they want, but it’s impossible to understand unless you’ve lived it.
When you were a child, did you ever put your arms out and spin in a circle really, really fast? That’s what fame is like. It makes you crazy, it turns your world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.
But I won’t fall for anyone.
